Wedding jitters

The stuff coming up for the wedding is a bit scary. There is so much to do. Flowers, dresses, rehearsals, dinner, decorating, speeches. But that isn't the scary part really.

The scary part is in my head. Worrying and wondering what the hell I'm doing being part of a wedding......and especially being the Maid of Honor.

I mean, she's my best friend. I love her to death. But I'm so worried I'm going to ruin her wedding by being in it. Maid of Honor is right there in the think of things and I don't want to screw anything up. I'm a terrible speech maker--I go into panic mode and trip up on my words and sound like an idiot.

The other issue is the dress. Everyone tells me it looks nice on me, but I think I'm going to look terrible and ruin the pictures. All the other bridesmaids are pretty and look amazing. I'm fat, I'm not pretty. I just feel like it should be someone else up there so that I don't embarrass myself or anyone else. Even dressed up and in makeup with my hair done, I'll still never be anywhere near as pretty as the others.

I do want to go, don't get me wrong. I want to be there for my friend and I am honored that she asked me to be her MoH. I'm just feeling pretty fucking insecure about how I'm going to look compared to everyone else.