busy busy

So the hard week is here. Sunday was graduation and dinner. Yesterday was rehearsal and dinner. Tonight was Bachlorette party and dinner. (ALL ITALIAN) Tomorrow is flowers and Sunday is the big day.

I'm feeling a little nervous about my part in the wedding. I don't want to fuck it up. I want it to be perfect for Linds. I have all the usual concerns--tripping and falling, dress ripping, farting during the ceremony, and especially giggling. I want this to be her perfect day. But clumsiness aside, I also have serious worries.

I'm still thinking it should be someone else up there with her. I'm not pretty enough. I know it's not about that, Lindsey wants me there to stand up with her because i'm her best friend. But I want this to be great and I won't look great.

I'm also worried about the getting ready. Linds is paying for someone to do my hair in some cool up-do. I don't have a lot of hair but they said they can make it look awesome. The part I'm feeling bad about is the makeup. I haven't worn it in years. I don't like it. Everyone is getting makeup done and I'm scared they are going to over do it for mine and I won't look like me. I don't mind using a little cover up for a zit but I want to look like me, my me. I won't argue about it. And I won't cause a stink but I'm hoping the bridal party will understand.

Anyway, it's a lot to do and get done. I'm more than a little stressed over some details. I will know a few people there, but I will be seated with the bridal party at the dinner (hopefully not Italian).

I really want/need a little one on one time with D. Nothing major is going on, but I need a little male time. But lately, that hasn't been happening. I just want a little time to talk through what's in my head. I need a little reassurance. I just hope I don't get disappointed. I'm trying not to get my expectations up so that I won't get hurt. But that's hard because I really need this time.

So that's it for now. Probably more of the same coming. Feeling pretty fucking insecure right now.