keeping up

Haven't been blogging lately. I really need to keep up with this, I think it helps me process the shit in my brain. Feeling a little destructive today. Nothing too serious, but the ideas keep popping in. It's been a busy week and hard.

My shoulder kept getting re injured because I kept picking up the boys and re hurting it over and over. But we had a great week with the babies. We bought a small pool for them and they LOVE it. They just climbed right in and splashed around until they were soaked and shivering, and even then, they screamed because they didn't want to get out. On the second day, daddy didn't think to shut the door when he went out to check on the temp of the water. BIG MISTAKE. Jack and Cade slipped out after him and before he could move, Jack climbed into the pool fully clothed. As my dad tried to grab Jack, Cade came around the other side and climbed in, fully clothed. Too funny. Wednesday went fine, no really big incidents. We skipped on Thursday. And on Friday, I bought a cheap sprinkler and they ran through it and stood under it and splashed in it and I got just as wet as they did. It's funny because they don't like showers or water poured over their heads but they stood there and let it rain down on them. If I knew how to insert pictures, I would.

Thursday I had a play date with my sponsor and her daughter and her baby and toddler. We went to the mall and had a wonderful time. We walked around, played in the play area and then went for pretzels. It was so much fun. Cade and Jack were wiped out and slept really good that day.

I like having the ability take to them out to do things. I still really need a second person if I want to let them run. But I can take them out with the stroller and get them out of the house. And when we can't get out, we have a pool and a play area and grass area. So there are a lot more options for me to get their energy out. Makes the day go faster.

The downside was my shoulder hurting. Today it has been better because i have been babying it and hopefully 3 days without them will help it heal. I'll miss them, but I need this time.

I may have a short week with the boys this week (I get Monday off paid) but I have so much to do in the next week that I don't quite now how I'm going to get it done.

Sunday I'm going to my friend's graduation at 1 and then out to a party after. Monday, I'm NOT going to Crown Point. But I am going to go out to lunch with my friend and then kicking it at home. Tuesday is relatively easy. Just the boys and some errands. Wednesday is an early day because I have a shrink appt and the boys and then another check up on my shoulder. Thursday I have the boys and then I have to go to the rehearsal at 5:30 in Coronado and then a dinner after that. Friday is errands and the boys and then a 'girls night out' kind of bachelorlette party. Saturday is doing the flowers and last minute stuff and Sunday is the big day.

I just seems like soooooo much and I feel so worried that I'm going to have a meltdown but it's not my day for that. I need to be the strong one and keep everyone else from having the meltdown. And I'm worried about how I'll look in my dress.....

Today kinda sucked because I was trying to get some hang out time with D but it didn't work out. I was a little more irritated than I should have been. I like my time with D, and sometimes I need it. He doesn't quite get my urges for destruction. What he really doesn't get that being around him when I'm feeling these thoughts helps me. That time with him helps me not feel so destructive and helps me curb the thoughts. He doesn't actually do anything specific. But he has almost always, since I met him, been a calming influence. So I wasn't very happy with how that failed to work out.

But home was pretty good today. I got the printer hooked up w/out using a CD (since the CD drives don't work) and I was able to hook up a wireless router and now I have full high speed Internet on my laptop! And I did it all by myself! YEAH ME!!!!

This is so random. That's what I get for putting off blogging when I should be working on this regularly. I like how I feel when I work on this often. Guess I need to work a little more.