I'm sad today. I know it's just the depression. I'm waiting for the meds to take full effect and I gotta tell ya, I am not a patient person. I'm an addict. I want to feel better and I want it right fucking NOW!
It's been a bad day for impulsive thoughts too. I haven't done anything stupid but it's hard to hold back. The urge is there and it doesn't help that I hate to see my arms. I see all these big veins and I just want to cut them out. I hate them. I want to feel that pain. I just want to feel.
It's not so bad when I'm w/ the boys, which is why I can sit here and write about it. They are the joy in my life. But once they are gone for the day, it's back to my head.
And I can't cry.....I want to, but I can't.
So that's it. I'm not hurting myself. I'm reaching out. I'm asking for help. I'm trying to be patient while the meds do their thing. I'm here.....and today, I'm sad.
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Aww babe. I'm glad that you wrote about your feelings but it makes me feel so sad that I can't be there to help you or at least be a distraction. I am great at distracting. :)
ReplyDeleteI understand perfectly what you mean about wanting to cut just to feel... to feel SOMETHING...
I know that might not mean much but it's sometimes comforting to know that someone knows how you feel. I may not know exactly how you're feeling at this moment, but I can relate.
I'm always here. Just a phone call or text away.
*hugs*